she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
