I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
