so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Randomize
