the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
