I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
