would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Randomize
