I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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