i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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