i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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