in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
