So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
