He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
