girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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