i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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