I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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