Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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