lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
