we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
