he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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