All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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