is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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