I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I hope mine doesn't look like that
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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