it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
So squirting runs in the family.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
