his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
