he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Can I color on your dick again?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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