I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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