the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
