Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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