I want to stick my p in your. b.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
