i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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