Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
