he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
