Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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