Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
