If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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