she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
