i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
