So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
The ass gains better be worth it
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