It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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