Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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