I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
So squirting runs in the family.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
