it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
