my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
