Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
