I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
