I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
