The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
