apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
