Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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