It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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