I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
